Last Friday MEB and I went to the University of Wisconsin (UW) homecoming parade. It was a cool, autumn afternoon with temperatures in the mid-fifties which required both of us to dress warmly. MEB is not a big fan of warm weather gear. She'd be content going outside in the cold wearing only her pink sweatshirt. However, with temperatures this cold I insisted that she wear a much thicker, more insulated coat and a stocking hat. Whenever I go to put these items on MEB a sound comes from her mouth that is the annoying equivalent of fingernails on a chalkboard. But I persist, assuring her that it for the best.
The parade ran down state street and upon arrival, the curbs were lined, four or five deep with people of all ages. We found a spot at the end of parade route and took a seat on the curb. The parade was an assorted mix of floats, local celebrities sitting atop the back seat in convertibles, student groups, and a variety of vehicles. The first thing we saw in the parade was the mayor chucking candy into the crowds. Because we were at the end of the route I figured we'd probably miss out. However, I soon learned that being at the end meant we'd be subject to the unloading of inventory and the mayor, along with many others in the parade, rained Tootsie Rolls, bubble gum, and other tooth decaying treats to us. Some participants threw knick-knacks, the best being a tiny, stress-ball shaped like a football. It was red and had the address of the Dean of Students on it. MEB clutched the ball throughout the parade. She wasn't much interested in the candy, but it would have been okay if she had considering she'd probably brush her teeth a few times before going to bed that night.
A large, red fire truck with flashing red lights slowly rumbled around the corner. When MEB saw it she pointed and said "@#&*" (Think of a curse word that rhymes with truck). I don't know if this was a phonetic mistake or if she was pointing in fear as if to say "Oh, @#&*, a fire truck." I chose to believe it was the first reason although I'm sure she has heard me us the word numerous times when watching the Badger football team this year.
The overall experience was one of those father-daughter moments I'll cherish forever. The look of excitement in her eyes as she looked at the colorful floats, heard the playful marching band, and saw the variety of trucks (or @#&*) was truly special.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
HALLOWEEN, TOOTHPASTE AND DENTAL FLOSS
MEB and I went to Walgreens to pick up dental floss and training toothpaste (Special toothpaste you use with kids who are learning how to brush their teeth). It tastes good so that kids will want to brush their teeth just to eat the stuff. MEB loves it. She brushes her teeth at least three times a day and would do it more if she could.
Because it is Halloween season Walgreens is infested with a poupouri of Halloween related products. Upon entering through the sliding glass doors MEB and I were greeted by a row of scary caricatures made of plastic and rubber. A sign invited us to "Try Them" by pressing a small red button. The first was a king cobra that hissed and darted at us. The second was a guilotine. When you pressed the red button the blade fell and beheaded a pale-faced, dark-eyed man. Finally, there was Jason; the hockey-masked psychopath from the infamous Friday The 13th films. Jason held a machete soaked in blood which he swung when the red button was pushed. Fear of these violent images tatooing themselves in MEB's brain worried me. Such images could manifest into nightmares, awaking her in the middle of the night and interrupting her mom and my much needed slumber. However, I was surprised to see nothing but joy in MEB's face as she watched the mechanical butchery. My worry quickly shifted from MEB having nightmares to her tantruming me into buying one of the cheaply "Made In Taiwan" toys for $19.95, so I ushered her on.
Ghosts and goblins draped from the ceiling looking down on customers. A double-widthed aisle was devoted entirely to Halloween. One side was filled with racks of trick-or-treat candy. The other was an assortment of costumes and other Halloween junk. There was a variety of masks available for purchase. Many were replica's of famous people. MEB's eyes became fixated on one of Bill Clinton. She smiled with affection as she reached up and grabbed his red-tipped nose, squeezing it. I'm a big fan of the former president but after the Monica Lewinsky scandal I don't think I'm comfortable with my daugher doing this so we moved on.
Walgreen's offers the diversity of choices that grocery stores do, but the smaller size of the store make it's aisles easier to navigate. This doesn't make the task of shopping any less unpleasant for me, especially when searching for training toothpaste and dental floss. Certainly, both items are crucial to mantaining good oral hygiene and therefore would be in the same section. But which aisle? As usual, the signs that hung from the ceiling were of little assistance and MEB (All 28.5 pounds of her) was getting heavy. I must have walked back and forth by the aisles a half-dozen times. A light sweat began to form all over my body and the itchy wool sweater and blacking stocking cap I was wearing made it worse. An employee was re-stocking pregnancy tests, smiling at MEB each time we passed. I eventually found the dental hygiene section uncomfortably located in the same aisle as the feminine hygiene products. (I should note that if any products related to this should ever show up on one of the lists my wife formulates for me I will never go shopping again.) Of course, there were so many types of dental floss to choose from. Generic or brand name? Mint or regular? How many feet should I get? Beads of perspiration formed on my forehead as the collar of my wool sweater irritated the back of my neck. I shifted MEB to my left arm and grabbed a generic mint. The training toothpaste was on the bottom shelf just six inches off the floor. Thank goodness there was only two types to choose from and both of them had a lovable looking brown bear on the front. I set MEB down so I could bend over to get one when she excitedly yelled "Dora" and reached for the Dora The Explorer electric toothbrush placed right next to the toothpaste. I'm no marketing expert but I can't believe this was just a coincidence. I affirmed to MEB that it was Dora and she needed to go "night-night" back on the shelf.
At the checkout counter a nice woman behind us commented on how cute MEB was. I said she takes after her mother as I struggled to dig for my wallet. By this point I'm certain I'd lost at least ten pounds in water weight from sweating and wanted to just get out of there. I thanked the cashier and hurried MEB out the door.
Because it is Halloween season Walgreens is infested with a poupouri of Halloween related products. Upon entering through the sliding glass doors MEB and I were greeted by a row of scary caricatures made of plastic and rubber. A sign invited us to "Try Them" by pressing a small red button. The first was a king cobra that hissed and darted at us. The second was a guilotine. When you pressed the red button the blade fell and beheaded a pale-faced, dark-eyed man. Finally, there was Jason; the hockey-masked psychopath from the infamous Friday The 13th films. Jason held a machete soaked in blood which he swung when the red button was pushed. Fear of these violent images tatooing themselves in MEB's brain worried me. Such images could manifest into nightmares, awaking her in the middle of the night and interrupting her mom and my much needed slumber. However, I was surprised to see nothing but joy in MEB's face as she watched the mechanical butchery. My worry quickly shifted from MEB having nightmares to her tantruming me into buying one of the cheaply "Made In Taiwan" toys for $19.95, so I ushered her on.
Ghosts and goblins draped from the ceiling looking down on customers. A double-widthed aisle was devoted entirely to Halloween. One side was filled with racks of trick-or-treat candy. The other was an assortment of costumes and other Halloween junk. There was a variety of masks available for purchase. Many were replica's of famous people. MEB's eyes became fixated on one of Bill Clinton. She smiled with affection as she reached up and grabbed his red-tipped nose, squeezing it. I'm a big fan of the former president but after the Monica Lewinsky scandal I don't think I'm comfortable with my daugher doing this so we moved on.
Walgreen's offers the diversity of choices that grocery stores do, but the smaller size of the store make it's aisles easier to navigate. This doesn't make the task of shopping any less unpleasant for me, especially when searching for training toothpaste and dental floss. Certainly, both items are crucial to mantaining good oral hygiene and therefore would be in the same section. But which aisle? As usual, the signs that hung from the ceiling were of little assistance and MEB (All 28.5 pounds of her) was getting heavy. I must have walked back and forth by the aisles a half-dozen times. A light sweat began to form all over my body and the itchy wool sweater and blacking stocking cap I was wearing made it worse. An employee was re-stocking pregnancy tests, smiling at MEB each time we passed. I eventually found the dental hygiene section uncomfortably located in the same aisle as the feminine hygiene products. (I should note that if any products related to this should ever show up on one of the lists my wife formulates for me I will never go shopping again.) Of course, there were so many types of dental floss to choose from. Generic or brand name? Mint or regular? How many feet should I get? Beads of perspiration formed on my forehead as the collar of my wool sweater irritated the back of my neck. I shifted MEB to my left arm and grabbed a generic mint. The training toothpaste was on the bottom shelf just six inches off the floor. Thank goodness there was only two types to choose from and both of them had a lovable looking brown bear on the front. I set MEB down so I could bend over to get one when she excitedly yelled "Dora" and reached for the Dora The Explorer electric toothbrush placed right next to the toothpaste. I'm no marketing expert but I can't believe this was just a coincidence. I affirmed to MEB that it was Dora and she needed to go "night-night" back on the shelf.
At the checkout counter a nice woman behind us commented on how cute MEB was. I said she takes after her mother as I struggled to dig for my wallet. By this point I'm certain I'd lost at least ten pounds in water weight from sweating and wanted to just get out of there. I thanked the cashier and hurried MEB out the door.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT
We took MEB to the doctor for one of her regular check ups. On the way there we told her where we were going and that it would be a lot of fun. It's amazing how much we lie to our children (unless you think having a bright light flashed directly in your eyes, a stick stuck in your mouth, a plastic, cone-shaped mechanism stuck in your ears, and a stranger's cold hands proding different parts of your body fun). MEB loved the chalkboard and small table set up for kids in the waiting room until she learned that she had to share them with three other kids that came. She hoarded the three pieces of chalk made available in a small dixie cup until her mom insisted that she share.
One of the first things the nurse does in the appointment is weigh MEB and measure her height. Each time before this happens her mom and I guess how much we think she weighs and bet on it. I've never won. However, this time I had a distinct advantage being the one who hauls MEB around so much (See Trip To Grocery Store). I guessed 30 pounds. My wife guessed 26. The nurse put MEB on a the scale and a red number showed up on the small monitor attached. 28.5 pounds. My wife quickly pointed out it was a tie because the number was exactly in the middle of the ones we picked (She is getting her PHD). I corrected her in saying that, actually, the number I picked was closer so I won. Being the competitive person that she is I waited for her to invoke the Showcase Showdown rule on the Price is Right. You know the one where if you guess an amount over the actual amount, regardless of how close it is, you are automatically disqualified. But I'm happy to say that she conceded and I won my first "Guess the weight of MEB" bet.
Back in the exam room the nurse asked us a series of questions: Does she have a vocabulary of 50 words? Can she follow three step directions? Does she give others directions? We answered in the affirmative to all of these with a resounding yes to the third emphasizing that MEB often gives her father directions, especially at the grocery store and the park. The nurse then told us to remove MEB's clothes down to her diaper and left a small gown with cartoonish elephants on it for her to wear. MEB wasn't keen on being stripped down to her Huggies in such a strange place and put up a good fight but eventually succumbed. However, she deviantly refused the gown and sat on my lap; then her mother's; then mine; then her mothers until the doctor came in.
The first thing the doctor commented on when she entered the room was how wildly curly MEB's hair was. She shared a picture of one of her children who had similar hair and proceeded to discuss with my wife a hair product that tamed the curls so they'd be more smooth. MEB was getting fussy, but the two woman continued discussing hair care strategies for infants. While I wanted to say something I've learned to keep my mouth shut in these situations.
The exam went as good as could be expected. MEB is a healthy two year old and we are very blessed to have her. I was especially pleased to hear the doctor say that there wasn't any rush for us to potty train her, which is a duty I'd been avoiding anyway.
One of the first things the nurse does in the appointment is weigh MEB and measure her height. Each time before this happens her mom and I guess how much we think she weighs and bet on it. I've never won. However, this time I had a distinct advantage being the one who hauls MEB around so much (See Trip To Grocery Store). I guessed 30 pounds. My wife guessed 26. The nurse put MEB on a the scale and a red number showed up on the small monitor attached. 28.5 pounds. My wife quickly pointed out it was a tie because the number was exactly in the middle of the ones we picked (She is getting her PHD). I corrected her in saying that, actually, the number I picked was closer so I won. Being the competitive person that she is I waited for her to invoke the Showcase Showdown rule on the Price is Right. You know the one where if you guess an amount over the actual amount, regardless of how close it is, you are automatically disqualified. But I'm happy to say that she conceded and I won my first "Guess the weight of MEB" bet.
Back in the exam room the nurse asked us a series of questions: Does she have a vocabulary of 50 words? Can she follow three step directions? Does she give others directions? We answered in the affirmative to all of these with a resounding yes to the third emphasizing that MEB often gives her father directions, especially at the grocery store and the park. The nurse then told us to remove MEB's clothes down to her diaper and left a small gown with cartoonish elephants on it for her to wear. MEB wasn't keen on being stripped down to her Huggies in such a strange place and put up a good fight but eventually succumbed. However, she deviantly refused the gown and sat on my lap; then her mother's; then mine; then her mothers until the doctor came in.
The first thing the doctor commented on when she entered the room was how wildly curly MEB's hair was. She shared a picture of one of her children who had similar hair and proceeded to discuss with my wife a hair product that tamed the curls so they'd be more smooth. MEB was getting fussy, but the two woman continued discussing hair care strategies for infants. While I wanted to say something I've learned to keep my mouth shut in these situations.
The exam went as good as could be expected. MEB is a healthy two year old and we are very blessed to have her. I was especially pleased to hear the doctor say that there wasn't any rush for us to potty train her, which is a duty I'd been avoiding anyway.
TRIP TO THE GROCERY STORE
I took MEB to the grocery store with me this morning. I can't describe how much I dislike this task. I don't like going shopping anyway and to have to navigate through it with a two-year old makes the job twice as hard. This, then, is compounded by the grocery list I take, much of which is formulated by my wife. Large grocery stores are complex warehouses of consumerism. There are so many choices. What's the difference between Yoplait and Dannon Yogurt? The yogurt on my list says Dannon and in parenthesis says (fruit on bottom). In the open-refrigeratated yogurt section of the store all the containers look the same. They are small so the lettering is difficult to read. I struggled with finding the exact kind of yogurt requested in the past so chose to not buy any. However, by a stroke of luck I noticed Dannon Yogurt With Fruit on the Bottom right away. I was estatic until I realized I had to choose which kind of fruit: Strawberry, cherry, banana? I went with strawberry.
When I go to the store it is inevitable that I won't find everything on the list or run of out time (and patience) to search for it. Today the items I didn't get were: Dental Floss, pancake mix, and some kind of pellets that you can put in your garbage disposal so it doesn't smell. I must confess that I decided beforehand that I wasn't going to even look for these and instead just get a lemon and grid it up in the disposal. That usually does the trick. However, I forgot to get the lemon.
At the store MEB insists on pushing the cart. Of course, she isn't strong enough to do it so I have to help. After about ten minutes she tires of this and it is between riding in the cart or me carrying her. She will ride in the cart for about ten minutes and then insists that I carry her. So, for much of our trip to the store I'm carrying a two-year old in one arm and pushing a shopping cart with the other. This, by itself, is difficult, but then have to search the giant store for items that I don't know the location of. The signs that hang at the ends of each aisle give little assistance especially when your trying to find such unique products such as pankcake mix, fruit snacks, or tiny pellets that you put in your gargage disposal so it doesn't smell so bad.
At the check out counter I'm still holding MEB in my right arm. With my left, I empty my cart onto the black conveyer that ushers it to the clerk who immediately asks me "paper or plastic" (I always forget which one is better for the environment and at this point don't care). The clerk then asks if I have a Copp's Card (Which is attached to my key chain). I dig in my pocket to get my keys and locate the card amongst the others which now total more than the number of keys I have. The clerk swipes it and I save $5.00. I swipe my debit card to pay for the items and they are bagged (I ended up chosing paper) and placed in back in the cart. Still holding MEB (my arm is numb) I push the cart to my car, get MEB situated in her car seat and put the bags in the trunk.
I consider myself a man of the people and therefore usually feel obligated to return the cart to one of those outdoor holding areas. However, in this parking lot the holding area is at least twenty car lengths away and I already have MEB straped in the car. I could leave her for a few moments and run it over, but I worry that some do-gooder citizen will report it to Social Services and a Social Worker will show up at my front door a few hours later. So, I decide to compromise and leave the cart between the yellow parking stalls in such a way that it's presence won't prevent someone from parking in one of them.
We drive home and MEB is fussy and may be coming down with something. I assure her that we'll be home soon and glass of milk and the latest episode of Dora The Explorer await her. This does little to ease her frustration. When we get home I ignore the groceries in the trunk and get her inside. Thank goodness it is cooler today so the refrigerated products will stay cold enough until I get a chance to get MEB settled and collect myself.
When I go to the store it is inevitable that I won't find everything on the list or run of out time (and patience) to search for it. Today the items I didn't get were: Dental Floss, pancake mix, and some kind of pellets that you can put in your garbage disposal so it doesn't smell. I must confess that I decided beforehand that I wasn't going to even look for these and instead just get a lemon and grid it up in the disposal. That usually does the trick. However, I forgot to get the lemon.
At the store MEB insists on pushing the cart. Of course, she isn't strong enough to do it so I have to help. After about ten minutes she tires of this and it is between riding in the cart or me carrying her. She will ride in the cart for about ten minutes and then insists that I carry her. So, for much of our trip to the store I'm carrying a two-year old in one arm and pushing a shopping cart with the other. This, by itself, is difficult, but then have to search the giant store for items that I don't know the location of. The signs that hang at the ends of each aisle give little assistance especially when your trying to find such unique products such as pankcake mix, fruit snacks, or tiny pellets that you put in your gargage disposal so it doesn't smell so bad.
At the check out counter I'm still holding MEB in my right arm. With my left, I empty my cart onto the black conveyer that ushers it to the clerk who immediately asks me "paper or plastic" (I always forget which one is better for the environment and at this point don't care). The clerk then asks if I have a Copp's Card (Which is attached to my key chain). I dig in my pocket to get my keys and locate the card amongst the others which now total more than the number of keys I have. The clerk swipes it and I save $5.00. I swipe my debit card to pay for the items and they are bagged (I ended up chosing paper) and placed in back in the cart. Still holding MEB (my arm is numb) I push the cart to my car, get MEB situated in her car seat and put the bags in the trunk.
I consider myself a man of the people and therefore usually feel obligated to return the cart to one of those outdoor holding areas. However, in this parking lot the holding area is at least twenty car lengths away and I already have MEB straped in the car. I could leave her for a few moments and run it over, but I worry that some do-gooder citizen will report it to Social Services and a Social Worker will show up at my front door a few hours later. So, I decide to compromise and leave the cart between the yellow parking stalls in such a way that it's presence won't prevent someone from parking in one of them.
We drive home and MEB is fussy and may be coming down with something. I assure her that we'll be home soon and glass of milk and the latest episode of Dora The Explorer await her. This does little to ease her frustration. When we get home I ignore the groceries in the trunk and get her inside. Thank goodness it is cooler today so the refrigerated products will stay cold enough until I get a chance to get MEB settled and collect myself.
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