MEB and I went to Walgreens to pick up dental floss and training toothpaste (Special toothpaste you use with kids who are learning how to brush their teeth). It tastes good so that kids will want to brush their teeth just to eat the stuff. MEB loves it. She brushes her teeth at least three times a day and would do it more if she could.
Because it is Halloween season Walgreens is infested with a poupouri of Halloween related products. Upon entering through the sliding glass doors MEB and I were greeted by a row of scary caricatures made of plastic and rubber. A sign invited us to "Try Them" by pressing a small red button. The first was a king cobra that hissed and darted at us. The second was a guilotine. When you pressed the red button the blade fell and beheaded a pale-faced, dark-eyed man. Finally, there was Jason; the hockey-masked psychopath from the infamous Friday The 13th films. Jason held a machete soaked in blood which he swung when the red button was pushed. Fear of these violent images tatooing themselves in MEB's brain worried me. Such images could manifest into nightmares, awaking her in the middle of the night and interrupting her mom and my much needed slumber. However, I was surprised to see nothing but joy in MEB's face as she watched the mechanical butchery. My worry quickly shifted from MEB having nightmares to her tantruming me into buying one of the cheaply "Made In Taiwan" toys for $19.95, so I ushered her on.
Ghosts and goblins draped from the ceiling looking down on customers. A double-widthed aisle was devoted entirely to Halloween. One side was filled with racks of trick-or-treat candy. The other was an assortment of costumes and other Halloween junk. There was a variety of masks available for purchase. Many were replica's of famous people. MEB's eyes became fixated on one of Bill Clinton. She smiled with affection as she reached up and grabbed his red-tipped nose, squeezing it. I'm a big fan of the former president but after the Monica Lewinsky scandal I don't think I'm comfortable with my daugher doing this so we moved on.
Walgreen's offers the diversity of choices that grocery stores do, but the smaller size of the store make it's aisles easier to navigate. This doesn't make the task of shopping any less unpleasant for me, especially when searching for training toothpaste and dental floss. Certainly, both items are crucial to mantaining good oral hygiene and therefore would be in the same section. But which aisle? As usual, the signs that hung from the ceiling were of little assistance and MEB (All 28.5 pounds of her) was getting heavy. I must have walked back and forth by the aisles a half-dozen times. A light sweat began to form all over my body and the itchy wool sweater and blacking stocking cap I was wearing made it worse. An employee was re-stocking pregnancy tests, smiling at MEB each time we passed. I eventually found the dental hygiene section uncomfortably located in the same aisle as the feminine hygiene products. (I should note that if any products related to this should ever show up on one of the lists my wife formulates for me I will never go shopping again.) Of course, there were so many types of dental floss to choose from. Generic or brand name? Mint or regular? How many feet should I get? Beads of perspiration formed on my forehead as the collar of my wool sweater irritated the back of my neck. I shifted MEB to my left arm and grabbed a generic mint. The training toothpaste was on the bottom shelf just six inches off the floor. Thank goodness there was only two types to choose from and both of them had a lovable looking brown bear on the front. I set MEB down so I could bend over to get one when she excitedly yelled "Dora" and reached for the Dora The Explorer electric toothbrush placed right next to the toothpaste. I'm no marketing expert but I can't believe this was just a coincidence. I affirmed to MEB that it was Dora and she needed to go "night-night" back on the shelf.
At the checkout counter a nice woman behind us commented on how cute MEB was. I said she takes after her mother as I struggled to dig for my wallet. By this point I'm certain I'd lost at least ten pounds in water weight from sweating and wanted to just get out of there. I thanked the cashier and hurried MEB out the door.
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